Fanfiction - Earthquake and Consequences - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 : Where am I

When Neil woke up he was not in the ball room anymore. He was lying in a stretcher in an EMT, Claire by her side. As always. As he liked. I tried to wake up but Claire prevented me to do so. He wanted to go back to work, I had to! He wanted to save people, to be useful. But she was uncompromising. He needed to stay calm because I had vomited and passed out.

“The doctor without the head injury makes the call”

He liked when she was directive. She looked even nicer than she used to be. Neil smiled, listened to her and remained calm till they arrived to the hospital. He knew Claire wouldn’t let him do the least move. I told her I was OK, that my bruise on my abdomen was only a shock I got at the gym but she was standing in her ground. She told me to remain quiet and to listen to her because she was the doctor here and she didn’t want to hear another word because “doctors make the worst patient”.

He smiled. It was the exact he said to her when she confessed me she was seeing a therapist to help her through her mother’s grief. She was a good student and she kept in mind absolutely all she could read or hear. She for sure was one of a kind.

She led him to the CT room to check on his head. She was sure he had a head injury. He made it laugh. She could be so stubborn when she had an idea in mind.

“Machine‘s already passed the point when we should have seen any damage. You haven’t seen anything. Means you either try to figuring out how I’m going to die or trying to figuring out how to apologize for wasting my time”.

He loved to tease, to challenge her. He could see her rolling her eyes. He loved when she did that. He enjoyed annoying her because she always answered. It was their little game, their moments. But then, she seemed worried. She told me I didn’t use the good word. What was the matter? Today had been a rough day, there had been an earthquake.

“I’ve seen you on a lot of rough days. But not once, I’ve seen you confused”.

She took his shirt, she looked concerned and he didn’t like seeing this on a face…. He had more bruises on his abdomen.

“You’re bleeding internally”.

It was the last word he heard before she left the room. He was sure everything was alright. He couldn’t be sick. He was a doctor! But here he was. And it was not pretty.

Hours passed and they took him to surgery. He couldn’t really remember where he had been or what they .they did to him. All was blurry, full of lights, noisy. He recovered hours later. He was in a hospital bed in Bonaventure. He recognized this hospital by heart. He had been working here for almost 10 years now. But why was he in a bed? Why was he connected to a machine?

Many questions rushed in his head. And no one to talk to. He was alone and the bips of the machine got on his nerves. Finally, Audrey and Claire came into the room. They were defeated. Claire’s eyes were swollen as if she had cried.

“The bleed was not from the pancreas, it was from the SMA. We found additional injuries all along the celiac trunk”

Audrey’s words hit him right in the heart. He saw she was still speaking but he was in another world. “How’s my lactate?” was the only word he could tell.

Audrey hesitated before saying “4”. It was bad, really bad. It should not have been so high.

“We’re going to retest your lactate and sure it’ll go down.” It couldn’t say if t was Claire or Audrey who told him that. He was already far away in his memories. If lactate wnet up, it would mean the schemic was progressing and there would be more bacterial liquid which meant sceptic shock…

It took him hours to come in peace with himself. He didn’t want to die. He was too young. He had a lot of things to live. He had a lot of things to say... Things he was hiding for so long now. Things he should have told because now it was probably too late and he could never be able to enjoy…

When he woke up, she was there. She was sitting on the chair and she was waiting. He loved looking at her when she didn’t pay attention to. As soon as she saw me awake, she smiled. He did the same. She was beautiful despite being broken. He was too. He could never spend time with her running, bowling, going to restaurants… And he was hurting just to think about that. And that was at that moment, that he knew he had to confess, to tell him about him. Because she was the only one he wanted to know about.

“I’m not afraid of dying. I was raised a good Catholic. Altar boy. First communion. Faithfully wanted my crucifix that gave my confirmation. I was a true believer. Then I went to college. And maybe it’s just now than I’m yearning into a learning void…. Imaging my bet but it’s coming back to me. I can hold friend with one message…

She looked at him. Her eyes were full of tears. “I want you to know that I..”

He cut her. He didn’t want to know what she was about to say. Even if he knew… Because he was feeling the same way for at least three years now. But it wouldn’t be fair to do that to her. He didn’t want to give her something they couldn’t share because he was dying.

“Don’t… you should go… There’s still a crisis going on…. Goodbye Claire.”

“Goodbye”.

They both remained frozen for a moment. No one wanted to move, no one wanted to leave each other’s looks. She was crying. He was too. Why life had to be so cruel. When they finally found each other, they were taken apart once again.

He remained alone in the room for hours. Alone face to his future and he didn’t like it. He didn’t want to leave all these people he loved so much. Glassman came to say goodbye. It was brief. No one wanted to be there. Then Audrey came. It was important to him to tell her goodbye. Even if they had broken off, she was still a good friend of his. They had known since college. They had shared moment together, good as bad, and she knew him really well. She was the one he wanted to tell about Claire when he understood about his feelings. But it would have been too complicated. She was his ex and his superior. But he would have loved to tell her.. even if he knew that deep down she already knew about his feelings.

“I could spend a lifetime drinking whiskey with you.”

It was hard for both of them but she had to leave because the hospital was in crisis. And once again, he was alone in this room he used to go to treat patients. How could that have happened? He was a brilliant surgeon, he should have known.. He didn’t even listen to Claire who asked him to do a complete check-up earlier. If he had listened to her, he won’t be in this, he won’t be dying. He won’t let her alone…

She was when she came back in the room.

“I got you something”

She gave him a rosary. She gave him the only thing he needed in this mess, the only thing that mattered. She was always right. And he was gonna lose her and he made him crazy.

After hours, she finally opened her mouth. They had stayed in the same room, close to each other since the middle of the afternoon just looking. Sometimes, people said that a look was just enough and it was the case with Claire. She came to sit next to him. They both needed to be this close. It was important, it was essential. They didn’t even know if they could touch each other. Was it appropriate?

“You saved me”

“No… I was just in the right place at the right time. That was all you. You’re gonna be OK, Claire”

She nodded. He saved her and no she was not gonna be ok. The man she loved was dying in front of her and she couldn’t do nothing. It was unfair, it was not right. It was the way it was supposed to be.

“There is something I need to tell you.”

“Me too. I go first… You are a terrible bowler. Maybe the worst I’ve ever seen”.

She laughed. Oh God, how he liked this sound.

“And I wanted to tell you that I hate your tattoo. Way too much antler…”

This time he laughed with her. It was good to feel this little idiotic happiness.

“And I love you”

“I love you too”.

That was finally the moment. They both loved each other. And they knew. Even if it was late, even if they could not have a lot of time together, they shared their feelings and it was all that mattered.

Claire laid her head on his chest and for the first he allowed himself to hold her hand, her arm and stroked her hair. She took his hand and merged her fingers with his. She was beautiful. He was handsome and they were at this moment the most powerful couple in the world.

They stayed like that forever . In love. Alone. Forever.

All of a sudden, everything was so blurry in his mind. He was dying…